Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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