It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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