I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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