"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm passing your future prison.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
