Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
where am i from again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
