I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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