Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
She is in my trunk
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
