I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
