Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
