If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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