sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
