i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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