I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
