ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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