I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
