I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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