My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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