dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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