his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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