It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
