Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Come on in and take your pants off
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