I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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