I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
