my room smells like sperm. sweet.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
false alarm, still single
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
