the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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