i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
