i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
