I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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