I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
