did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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