Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
