people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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