well most of my day revolves around power hour
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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