actually, I'm a sock model
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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