If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Randomize
