U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
