There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
