Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
