Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
