After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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