I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
