Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
