He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
