Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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