Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
