It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
