I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
