garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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