I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
