11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize