It's Friday. Sex?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
