Buhtt sex?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
