if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
