gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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