I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
