How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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