Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
