I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need a beard to bite.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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