She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
