I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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