woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
