All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize