Please, let me fuck your mom
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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