Please, let me fuck your mom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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