If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
