TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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