Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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