If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
