If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
