I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
