no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
