i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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